Bitches I Can't Stand Right Now: October: Coco Rocha

Welcome dears to another regular feature on what will become a regularly updated blog.

Do you ever hear about someone, meet someone, see someone on the street or wake up next to someone and go, "Huh, this bitch is pretty cool." Only to two weeks later, after having them haunt every corner of your life, including personal bathroom time, you just want to SCREAM "I CAN'T STAND YOU BITCH!!!!!"

That's what this is about.

Coco Rocha, for those who don't know, is yet another lanky alien sent to us to wear clothes better than your average person. A model, in layman's terms. She hails from somewhere in Canada (Saskatchabertowa I think). She was sent to us so that we can marvel at the natural occurrence of the nose Michael Jackson (R.I.P.) was really going for and to marvel at her ability to work Irish Step Dancing into modeling.

RIVERBITCH dears.

So, being a little slow on the model uptake, I first became aware of Coco last year thanks to my in the know friend, Cuca. And then I forgot about her. (I mean really, the last model worth remembering was Cindy Crawford and bitch made my couch so, you know, downgrade.) But I notice that the girl with the upturned nose and dark hair kept popping up. She'd be in a Vogue spread or two. On an ad on a bus. In a runway show. Harmless.

Well in August she exploded into my world. She was featured heavily in the September (and August) (and October) issues of Vogue. What kind of sexual favors she promised Grace Coddington, I have no clue. THEN she was overly a part of The September Issue. (I'm sure the scene where she let Anna Wintour drink her blood got cut). And THEN, worst of all, she spent Fashion's Night Out doing her little Irish dancing bullshit in the window of DKNY on Madison! In a tacky ass sweater (sorry Donna!).

Check it out (sorry its crooked, iMovie is still a mystery to me. Like the music??):

What the hell kind of Irish ridiculousness is that????

I'd had it! If it weren't for the complimentary mini bottles of Champagne (thanks Donna!) I probably would've shanked her right then and there. Yeah sure, she's kind of pretty. She's got that desireable 12 y/o type body. An averageish face. Certainly not striking but pretty. But my god talk about overexposure. If flip through one more layout and see her nose pointing at me I'm literally gonna burn down the Conde Nast building. (Only after all attractive shoes and hot bags and Andre Leon Talley's are safely removed.)

Extreme? Sure. But I CAN'T STAND THIS BITCH RIGHT NOW!